Going Down?

Written on the wall in ballpoint pen above one of the toilets in the men's bathroom:
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more! Five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila, floor.

Spilled Milk

Shamrock - Why so glum, chum?

Minoru - The awesome trick I had up my sleeve dropped onto the floor when I took off my shirt.

T.M.I.

Damdam - That new gogo boy is about as sexy as an iron lung.

Rahan - I'm sure there are people out there who find iron lungs sexy.

Silence.

Damdam - Are you one of those people?

Rahan - In principle or practice?

Silence.

Damdam - I'll arrange a lap dance with the iron lung gogo boy for you.

Rahan - Thank you.

Damadam - Don't mention it. Seriously. Ever again.

Word to the Wise 2

Written over the mirror in the men's bathroom:
Don't like what you see? Liberally apply some miracle cream, and pull a marvelous day out of your ass. Go ahead... make your day.

You Say Potato...

Kansas on Hollywood - When exactly did the mediocre became the ruling class?

Point of View

Rahan - That was disturbing.

Damdam - You think so? I would have gone for cataclysmic. Just for the record.

Rahan - But you're a drama queen.

The Proof is in the Pudding...

Written on the t-shirt worn by Minoru:
If this was the easy way out, things are worse than I thought.

Today's Special?

Damdam - Ew... Spicy Cat in a Hot Pot is the special.

Rahan - You skipped the word fish... it's Spicy Cat Fish.

Damdam - I probably did that on purpose.

Rahan - You'd rather eat cat?

Silence.

Damdam - I'm not sure how to answer that without sounding like a total bastard.

Out of the Frying Pan...

Damdam - I don't know which is worse; mosquitoes or leeches.

Rahan - Either way you're an all-you-can-eat buffet. And you can stop eying that bucket of leeches behind me, I'm not stupid.

Cheers!

Hanging from the giant stuffed moose head behind the bar:
I still dream. What's your excuse?

Who are you?

Shamrock (the giant blond cherub-faced Buddhist bouncer) - Whenever I see someone with a fake ID, I always like to convince them that the ID is the truth and they are the lie.

Sign of the Times

Posted above the front door:
The Candystick Gogo Funtimes Bar is owned and operated by The Good Intentions Corporation. The Good Intentions Corporation - happily paving The Road to Hell since 1957.

Too Much Information

Damdam - Itching is like Heroin. Once you start, you can never stop.

Rahan - Is that why you're bleeding?

Damdam - No; I'm bleeding because I tried the Sharpshot Margarita.

Today's Special

Found in the menu ---> Don't eat your feelings, eat our food instead! Try our Spicy Revenge Rolls! Feast on our Confusion Pizza! Relish our house specialty, Dusky Toast!

Lost and Found

Kansas (the hot dark-haired bartender) - If you see Rahan, tell him I have his innocence in the tip jar.

Word to the Wise

Written in a stall in the men's bathroom ---> Tequila is the new yoga.

Gossip Thunder

Damdam - Rahan, I have news! News that defies imagining.

Rahan - I can't imagine what it would be.

Silence.

Damdam - You sure know how to steal my gossip thunder with your sheer stupidity, don't you?"